Grief to Grace

Grief to Grace ministry helps individuals and families understand grief and move forward

The Grief to Grace ministry that is offered at Christ the Redeemer Church parish in Thibodaux was formed out of a desire to assist individuals and families through any situations in life which cause grief, and to comfort and care for all those who are grieving.

Cindy Ordoyne, the parish’s office manager, says with Grief to Grace, the emphasis is on helping people to heal. She also points out that most of the time when we talk about grief, we do so with respect to loss of life, but Ordoyne reminds us that people lose many things in life that cause them grief, and Grief to Grace can help someone deal with all of the facets of grief.
“The idea of broadening our grief support was brought to Father Mark Toups in the fall of 2015 after one of our parishioners lost her husband. That idea continued to grow under the pastorate of Father Mitch Semar. The ministry has flourished in the years since with the participation of Dwight Boudreaux and Beth Marcello who facilitate our book study, special topic nights, annual retreat and one-on-one pastoral support,” says Ordoyne. “The idea brought forward in the fall of 2015 by a concerned parishioner has evolved into a thriving ministry that reaches every corner of our diocese as well as outside the boundaries of our diocese from Donaldsonville to Gretna, and beyond.”

The Grief to Grace ministry incorporates specific aspects to move individuals and families through the stages of grief. Participation in the ministry is completely free; there are no fees involved and participants do not have to be parishioners of Christ the Redeemer. One may choose to participate in any one or all of the components offered.

A book study, discussion groups, hot topic nights, one-on-one support, a one-day retreat, and a memorial Mass are part of the ministry. Grief to Grace volunteers also help with funeral hospitality, as well as funeral planning and preparation.

● On Grief & Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss by Elisabeh Kubler-Ross, M.D., and David Kessler is the book used in the ministry. Discussion groups are held twice per year in the spring and fall. These groups meet weekly for a seven-week session on Tuesday evenings at 6 p.m. in the parish’s Family Life Center. Ordoyne says the groups are limited to about 10-12 people so that it allows for more sharing and more personal interaction.

● Hot Topic Nights – These gatherings are offered two or three times per year to provide information on relevant topics. Presentations are made by professionals with expertise on the topic being presented.

● One-on-One Support – If someone is having trouble coping or just needs someone to talk with, pastoral support in a one-on-one setting is available by appointment.

● Grief to Grace Retreat – A one-day retreat beginning with Mass is facilitated by a team of volunteers and includes personal prayer time, large group presentations, small group discussion, and question and answer sessions.

● Funeral Liturgy Planning – Compassionate volunteers will walk with the grieving through the process of planning all of the decisions and details of the funeral Mass. When someone in the church parish dies, the funeral home director notifies church parish personnel and they, in turn, contact the next of kin or the person responsible for making the arrangements. The goal of the volunteer is to offer support during this difficult time.

● Funeral Hospitality – A Grief to Grace volunteer hostess/host is there on the day of the funeral to support and assist the family with any last minute questions and to take care of any last minute details.

“Our team of funeral planners and funeral hostesses assist our parish staff by being present to our families to prepare the liturgies and provide funeral day hospitality,” says Ordoyne. “We have a team of approximately five volunteers who work in conjunction with our three acolytes to be sure the sanctuary is prepared for the funeral liturgy. Through their presence our families are greeted with dignity and respect.”

Ordoyne adds that with regard to hospitality, they don’t cook meals. “We provide a presence for our families from the time we get the call from the funeral home all the way through the burial; then they follow up with all the other aspects of Grief to Grace. A hostess is there to offer hospitality on the day of the funeral, to assist the family throughout the service and to offer refreshments for their guests.”

This year, explains Ordoyne, the COVID-19 pandemic restrictions and regulations have really altered the way they are able to serve people through this ministry. “We are still able to offer funeral planning, but because we no longer are allowed to offer visitation at the church, the hospitality piece looks a lot different. A hostess is still available to greet the family and be with them throughout the funeral service. We are asking if someone needs help that they stop by our office and pick up a copy of the book. When we are able to start back up with the book study groups and the rest of our offerings, we will call them. So we are still trying to stay connected.”
n Annual Memorial Mass – Families who have suffered a loss within the year are invited by personal invitation to participate in the presentation of candles at a special Memorial Mass on All Souls Day, Nov. 2, followed by a reception.

Because of the restrictions that need to be followed during the COVID-19 pandemic, Ordoyne says this year there will be two Memorial Masses. Families are asked to reserve a space at one of the Masses.  

Mike Ordoyne lost his wife Stephanie in February 2019. The couple was married for 48-1/2 years and they have three children and seven grandchildren. Stephanie was active at St. Thomas Aquinas Church parish in Thibodaux for many years where she and Mike were parishioners. Mike knew about Grief to Grace through Beth Marcello, who was good friends with him and his wife. He was invited to participate in the ministry two weeks after his wife died.

“I knew I had to go on with my life, so I said to myself I’m going to go. When I sat in that group next to an old schoolmate of mine who had lost his wife in January and started talking to him, I began to understand that I wasn’t alone in my suffering.”

Mike says the book they use gives you guidelines to follow, and you can discuss the chapters that apply to your life. “There are so many examples in the book. You really need the book; it is a multipurpose tool and helps you to understand your own blessings. The cohesion of the group was molded by the administrators – they were excellent team builders. The circumstances for each individual in the group were different, but they showed us how to accept other people’s different feelings and approaches to grief.”

Without Grief to Grace, Mike says he would probably still be in the remorse stage. “Grief to Grace got me ‘over the hump.’ It was a life changing event. Once you get over the hump, you mentally accept that things have changed. It enlightened me to the fact that there is more in life. I still have difficulty; it’s a day by day thing. But Grief to Grace helped me to better understand that I need to carry on with my life. It was an excellent start to adjusting to the rest of my life.”

Kara Dumond’s husband Devin passed away in May 2019, at the age of 40. The couple has two boys who were four and seven at the time of his death. They were not parishioners of Christ the Redeemer, but Kara found out about the ministry through Father Mark Toups. She began the program six months after her husband died.

“Grief to Grace has helped me learn how to move forward and be verbal about what grief is, and it taught me how to be brave. I never thought in a million years that I would be dealt this hand and I honestly don’t know what I would have done without Grief to Grace. It helped me to grow in my faith and allowed me to accept my loss and to feel normal with others going through the same thing. Everyone had a different story, but we were all in it together. We were like a family. We could all be angry or crying or happy, and it was all okay. Where I started and where I ended was day and night.”

Kara says she never even knew what grief was or all the feelings and emotions that went with it. The Grief to Grace ministry helped her learn about all the emotions and taught her that what she was feeling was normal, that she was going to be okay and how to grow from the experience.

“Being able to reflect on and understand what each emotion truly meant, to just understand the whole grief experience and all the details of what I was going through ... that was huge. The book was wonderful. We took notes, we journaled, we dissected the book … every quote … and looked at the meaning of every word. Those words are so powerful and you have to keep reiterating those words to yourself to grow … to figure out a new beginning and to move forward with grace, with strength, with positivity and with faith.”

She says before her husband died, she was afraid of death, but Grief to Grace taught her not to be afraid. “My love for my husband will always be there and I know he will always be with us. I still relive it; I still go through all of the emotions and I probably always will, but this ministry opened my eyes to viewing grief in a different way. I learned that there is no right or wrong way to grieve.”

Grief to Grace guides you throughout the whole grieving process, she says. “I don’t know if I’d be where I am today without this ministry. By the end of it, I had a whole different understanding of grief. By the time I came out of that program I had gained so much knowledge and strength and bravery,” says Kara.

Brandi Boudreaux has been a Grief to Grace volunteer for almost four years. She is part of the funeral liturgy planning where she meets with the family to plan the funeral Mass, by helping them choose the readings, songs, and find a musician, etc. Brandi also does funeral hospitality which entails helping to set up before the Mass, staying for Mass and helping to clean up afterwards.
She says this is not something she ever saw herself being a part of, but it has been life changing for her. “I have gotten so much more out of it than I could have ever imagined. I met so many wonderful people and even though it’s emotionally draining, it has been such a beautiful experience for me. My faith and my hope has been strengthened so much.”

After her mother passed away six years ago, she says that she felt a lot of sorrow and grief. “Then all of a sudden the Lord took all that sorrow and turned it into joy and I just had a heart that was overflowing with gratitude. I felt called to give back somehow, even if it was in a small way.”

She was involved in another ministry at the time and some of the volunteers from Grief to Grace came to talk to them because they were looking for more volunteers.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about it; the Lord just put it on my heart. But I really struggled with it because I didn’t think I could do it.”

Brandi started off by shadowing other volunteers and says ultimately the Lord gave her the grace to do this. “My participation in this ministry and dealing with this on a daily basis has made me much more aware of my own mortality and has taught me that I need to be prepared because at any moment this could be me facing my final judgement. It’s just been such a grace for me.”

Ordoyne says Grief to Grace is truly a team effort and a vital ministry for Christ the Redeemer. “Although the Covid-19 pandemic regulations have the ministry restricted at the present time, we are looking forward to re-engaging our team under the leadership of Father Alex Gaudet, our new pastor. We are always looking to add people to our volunteer team, so we welcome inquiries about our Grief to Grace ministry.”

For more information or to become a volunteer, please contact the church parish office at (985) 447-2013.